I don't remember those times...

...when I was younger.
...when I didn't struggle with that fucking eating disorder.
...when I spent my day without thinking about food.
...when I ate ice cream with my friends.
...when I drank alcohol and partied untill the morning started.
...when I worked out without counting the calories I burned.
...when I felt okay with my body.
...when I didn't know my weight.
...when I didn't get up at night to binge on cake and sweets.
...when I had fun with my friends.
...when I got up in the morning with a smile on my face.

No, I don't remember those times. It seems like there's never been an episode in my life, where I was truly happy. The only thing that reminds me of that are those pictures, where I look happy and smile.