...but with the knowledge, all of it started. Years ago, without realizing what I've done to my body. All this years.
With every pound I lost, I thought to be happier. (but in reality, I wasn't)
With every pound I gained, I hated myself more and more.
I don't know why I started losing weight. Perhaps because I wanted attention? Perhaps because I just wanted to look like all this thin, popular girls in the magazines? I really do not know.
Was it the only way to live my silly life?
I stopped caring about everything. I felt like a ghost. Empty and sad. I isolate. Lost myself somewhere.
...
I tried. I hoped. I screamd. Without anybody listening.
I realized what I destroyed during all this years.
If I could then I would. Turn the time back. Undo it. Change my life.
But I can't. It makes me the person I am now. No, no happy end.
...When your body suffered all this years from malnutrition, on day it takes everythin back that was prohibited all the time. The chocolate. The cookies. The butter. The meat. The bread....
That was the day I started binge eating. When I look back, it was obvious that it had to start one day. Perhaps it was the only way to make my body survive.
I gained weight. I'm still gaining. And it got worse. I'm normal weight. I do not seem like a person with problems. I hide. I smile. I live. But is this life worth living?
Keine Kommentare:
Kommentar veröffentlichen